HIM!!! Once Again & Again~

February come to an end.
Still our tangled relationship keep in existence.
One and a half years we have gone through.
We ain't couple.
We ain't friend.
Or we consider as enemy?
No, I don't hate him at all actually.
Just, I'm so sick of the harsh way he used to treat me sometimes.
Just, I'm so sick of his disgusting attitude when he talk to me sometimes.
Same question without any proper answer from him in my mind.
I've had it with everything what he was done.
His appearance messed up my regular life.
It's made me freaking annoyed with my current life.
F.U.C.K. O.F.F.
For me, it's sucks like shit totally!!!
Had dream about him once again when I took my so-called nap just now.
What a sweet dream I had.
But, as a matter of fact, everything is proving me that IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!
This won't be happened to me.
N-E-V-E-R E-V-E-R
My consciousness is telling me very distinctly.
He isn't the Mr. Right who I want.
He isn't the Mr. Perfect who I wish.
Apparently, he is out of my list if do based on the requirement of my ideal guy.
Well, it doesn't mean that I look down on him.
Somehow I just got no idea that what's the point I used to be fascinated about him.
Now, not.
Ridiculous, right?
The way we communicate with each other is different obviously.
Sometimes I text him aimlessly.
That's enough for me when I got his reply though it may just a simple and sounds like anger of 'what' from him.
I don't fucking care.
I just only want to make sure that he's with me no matter whatever he is doing at that moment.
It's insane, I know it.
Anyway, I have to harden my heart once day.
I should be.
Perhaps I really make it.
I don't wish to have this fucking entanglement with him.
Stop myself not to put any expectation from him.
I know that the consequence I get is NOTHING.
Thus, there's no reason for me to hold on this unworthy relationship.
I got no much time to waste, especially my vigor.
Okay, I know I'm barely 20.
But it doesn't mean that I can waste the rest of my precious time to do this nonsense.
What for torturing own self in this nuts way?
I'm giving it up.
Since it has utterly worn me out.
Possibly, I'm not loving him.
Maybe I'm just want to occupy him to be mine for everything.
Yeah, I'm such selfish and brutal.
No worry, my dearies.
I'm really fine here.
I won't get hurt by any frustration easily as I know to defend myself as well.
Thanks for concerning me in any way.
Appreciate loads~